Thank-you to Jess for inviting me and to the rest of the RollCall-ers for having me by the blog today!

I have been writing, and thinking, about alpha males a lot, and what makes for a ‘warrior.’ My current release, THE IRISH WARRIOR, has obvious ties to the topic. And my husband works for the MFLC program—Military and Family Life Consultant Program—which provides free, anonymous, completely confidential short-term counseling by Masters-level licensed therapists to Military Personnel and their Spouses and Families on all CONUS and OCONUS instillations.

Wow. That was a mouthful of information and syllables and acronyms. Still with me?

The heroes in the romance genre—and fiction–are often the warrior archetype. I think many people often equate ‘the warrior’ with ‘the fighter,’ and while that is often true, it misses the mark if its aimed too closely. It dilutes the totality of what makes for a warrior, in fiction and in life.

The warrior is active, not cringing at what is to come or may come, but moving forward into it. This doesn’t mean there’s no fear. It means the fear is integrated into the rest of the ‘knowing.’

The warrior is self-directed. Not that s/he does not take orders, but that she has an inner compass for what needs to be done, and takes care of that without needing someone to tell her to. This requires a focused mind and determination, and the exercise of both restraint and power, following along the trajectory of will.

The warrior has the capacity to be a master. And there is only one route to attain such a height: devotion, dedication, hard work and utter focus.

The warrior has a variety of intelligences. She can absorb information, accurately determine what’s relevant to the goal, distill that knowledge into something meaningful, and adapt in response. The true warrior is flexible—the essence of intelligence.

The warrior values life, sometimes as a direct result of having taken it, but certainly as a result of knowing he can take it. He has that power. And therefore, exercises that restraint.

Many of you are warriors. Many of you love warriors, as husband, wife, son, daughter, cousin, friend.

I call it the ‘good alpha.’ Adrenal junkies, sure. There are worse things to be. Alphas in charge, often. Real men and women with families and feelings. Above all.

Even in our books, there’s that inner world, the one that fuels the hero’s fire, for better or worse, usually a little of both. In our books, the love of the heroine is at minimum the motivation for growth. That’s true in real life too. In real life, though, there’s more than 400 pages, and sometimes the love of a good person (and insight) is not going to be enough.

Warriors use all the tools available to let them become a master.

Like the MFLC program.

It’s possible this program may be just the thing our real-life warriors needs once in a while. Again, it’s free. It’s confidential—no one ever knows you even went. It’s on US military installations in the US, Europe and Asia. It’s for military personnel and their spouses and families.

And best of all, it’s completely anonymous. You don’t even have to say your name.

You can contact the Family Support program on your base/post to find out more. The MFLC consultants also often give program brief at various meeting. And they just walk around the installation, hoping to get the word out, so keep your ears open.

They’re there for one reason: to help. They serve the warriors and their families.

Because the strongest among us cannot stay strong for the rest of us if they don’t stay strong. And it is a tripartite: mind, body, heart/spirit. So here’s to keeping our warriors true to the spirit of a warrior in our fiction, and here’s to keeping them healthy and strong in this real world.

Thank-you to all the warriors who serve our country.

Kris Kennedy writes sexy, adventure-filled medieval romances for Kensington and Pocket Books. At her website (http://kriskennedy.net) , you can sign-up for the newsletter and drop Kris a line saying Hi! THE IRISH WARRIOR, winner of the 2008 Golden Heart® Award for Best Historical Romance, released June 1. Read an excerpt here!

When we moved from a five-bedroom house with a living room, family room, and great room to a one bedroom with living room, it was a lesson in Thing Economics. I went through everything I owned and wondered why in the world I ever thought I’d needed so much. I decided right then it was time to pare down. But how to go about it? Should I toss stuff? Give it away? Sell it? Donate it to a thrift store like Goodwill or Salvation Army?

After all, how many pairs of shoes does one person really need? Okay, okay. We’ll skip that question. LOL

Fun shoes in a rainbow of color

Being the list type, I sat down and sketched out ideas, and ended up using several. Fortunately, I keep those sorts of things, and my notes were handy recently when one of my sisters experienced an apartment fire. No one was hurt, her items were cleaned, and she was moved to a new unit in her apartment building. Still, once she settled in, she had to redecide where to put everything. Both units had the same square footage, but not everything fit the way it had before.

To help her get started, I shared some of my notes, and realized that they would make a good blog article. I say that to say this — getting organized doesn’t always mean throwing everything out. Here are some other ways to get started.

Money makers:

• Yard sale with a family member who has a yard and wouldn’t mind getting rid of things either.
• Post the items on eBay.com “one man’s junk is another man’s treasure” Buyers always pay shipping.

Giveaways:

• Have a family “yard sale” where only family has the choice of what pieces they want. No money has to change hands.
• Post a note on the bulletin board in your subdivision or apartment building that you have xyz free to a good home. Others might love to have it.

Storage:

• A plastic storage container is better than a box because it protects against moisture and insects, and is less likely to crush and damage the contents.
• Start with a medium size box and add another as you fill it up.
• Wrap each piece you want to keep in clean paper (newspaper is okay for non-staining items, but don’t use comic pages or color print ads).
• Place the heaviest items on the bottom and most fragile on top.

Donating:

• Some thrift stores and family agencies will pick up items. Most have limits, so call ahead to find out.
• Ask for a receipt. These are generally blank except for a date and a signature. Write out the kinds of things you donated, and affix a fair-market-value to them if you want to deduct the donation on your taxes. Essentially, use the price you would expect to pay in a resale shop.
• To better understand how to affix a value, go to http://irs.gov and search on the subject “value of donated items” or use this link: http://www.irs.gov/publications/p561/ar02.html#d0e545 Here is the tinyurl for the same spot: http://tinyurl.com/2b7ht6x

Avoiding Junk in the First Place:

As the old saying goes, the best offense is a good defense. Avoid taking home things that will end up being considered clutter. To do that, ask yourself a few questions before taking things home. If the answer to any of the following questions is no or you’re unsure, leave it and move on. Adjust to fit your purpose (for example, if you’re picking out something for someone else).

• Will it add value to my life?
• Can I use it now?
• Will it fit me and do I have items to match it already? (especially clothing)
• Is it my favorite color?
• Is it in good repair?
• Do I want to dust/clean/maintain it regularly?
• Do I know exactly where it will fit in my home/closet?

When I feel overwhelmed by an organization task, I set a timer for ten minutes, and work on only one thing during that time. When the bell rings, I stop and assess what I did. I’m usually pleased with how much I accomplished. I take a five-minute break and then set it for ten more minutes. It’s amazing what you can achieve in ten to twenty minutes. Some days, you may only have time for five minutes, on others, fifteen to thirty. Make it small numbers and you won’t begrudge the time. It takes me just under five minutes to strip the bed and put the sheets in the washer. I can also put away the silverware from the dishwasher in the time it takes to fill a one-gallon pitcher with filtered water at the sink. I try to make it fun, and see how quickly I can do things while something else is happening, like folding towels during commercials on TV, which has the bonus of keeping me from snacking.

As a little girl, I took great joy in playing house. I’d fold and refold, smooth and straighten doll clothes, and make everything just so. My toys weren’t always dolls; I loved playing in the mud too. I realized one day that I’d lost the joy of handling these details, and challenged myself to make work more playful.

It’s surprising how much fun playing house can be. It’s almost as much fun as playing doctor. *wink*

When my “Johnny” comes marching home, he’ll have me to come home to, for better or worse. Each deployment has been greater than six months and this is our fifth. As if that weren’t enough, there have been separations for annual training, schools, TDY, and ill-fated PCS timing. How many days, exactly: I know I’m not alone when I say, “I can’t count that high” or “I’ve stopped counting.” But each time we rolled out the red carpet upon his return.

We’ll give him a hearty welcome then, Hurrah! Hurrah!
The men will cheer, the boys will shout
The ladies they will all turn out
That joyful day when Johnny comes marching home
Twill be so good to have ‘em home
They’ve been so far and gone so long
What a joyful day when Johnny comes marching home

“So far and gone so long”: Yes, the other side of the country and for days, into months, and years. Our HEA (happy ever after) is stuff dreams are made of, books and songs and poems are written about. It’s been a true military romance that adds a chapter with each passionate good-bye and returning embrace. But it’s one story, one military couple, and one tough, gritty lifestyle that has been paid for with tears, sweat, and bended knee again and again, and sooner or later, again. Furthermore, it’s only one way to write the story.

I’ve been around enough to know that’s only half the stories. In fact, more personally, that only accounts for half my husband’s romancing or his story as it were. Rumor has it that he was a recipient of a “Dear John” letter that broke his heart during his very first time away from home. An Army girlfriend turned and did a “Savannah” on him. In years since, we’ve witnessed girlfriends and wives fall by the wayside for other soldiers. DH has signed leave paperwork knowing full well the turmoil a soldier was going to have to endure on his R&R. Some fellows of his have gotten more than “Dear John” letters on deployment; they’ve gotten divorce papers. That’s the cold, hard, ugly truth. It happens.

Knowing this, it was with intent (on seeing the motivation behind the letter writers) that I picked up Nicholas Sparks’ Dear John in paperback a few months ago. For me, I viewed it as a case study. I’m not a natural fiction reader. (And I’ve only recently learned of military romance as a category). I prefer non-fiction, but the military scenario hooked me and with the reality of “Dear John”s being on my heart, I cracked the cover. The story of John and Savannah did not disappoint me. (I had no basis or expectation for HEA.) I was swept away, enthralled, heart-broken, and floored.

It read like Real Life. In this case: Ugly and Cold but Untrue. (I double checked: 1. Soldiers—Fiction. 2. Long-distance relationships—Fiction.) I won’t go into specifics. I fear I’ve spoiled it already for those who haven’t read it, but not any more than the given title I hope. My experiences lent themselves to seeing how Savannah and John couldn’t make it work and even understanding it. It did not anger me as it did one Amazon reviewer who felt they wasted their time. It saddened me to know that this fiction book played out a non-fictitious theme still being played out centuries after the first “Dear John” letter.

Not all the ladies turn out. A salute isn’t always rendered for a job well done. Some take themselves out of the mix for a myriad of reasons. The sacrifice of time and youth is too much. It doesn’t make them all wrong. Some “Savannah”s go on to other good causes and grow up and “show up” for different relationships, ones that are in a whole other romance category. That is the lesson that I came away with.

A friend that I lent the book to had her own take. She, being the lover and wife of an airman, was angry. She’s also a hopeless (sorry) romantic who’s betting Hollywood will save the day and John and Savannah will make this a true military romance and not just another bad news story, a casualty of 9/11. I pray not. Life is messy. Military life is messier. And I’d be lying if I didn’t end by saying that once or twice I’ve contemplated a more simple life, one of a teacher or a grocer’s wife. As a couple, we’ve even fantasized about a “Dear Army, We’re moving to Canada” life.
So, while I didn’t expect it to be a controversial book when I shared it with my friend and others, upon further thought, it makes sense. Dear John is a controversial fiction book whose story hits real close to the non-fiction dealings of a controversial life. I have no want, basis or expectation for the movie to be any different.

Star Henderson is a National Guard Army wife. Her journey with the military began writing daily letters to a friend at Basic Training in 1990. She joined the Army in 1993, and later married that “friend” in 1995. Her husband is David, and they have two children: Thomas and Tara. Their family is part of the 48th Infantry Brigade of the Georgia National Guard. Star is co-founder of ArmyWifeNetwork.com, which is now parent to their ever popular weekly call-in live radio show Army Wife Talk Radio and their q&a column for the military, Field Problems™. Committed to sharing their stories, knowledge, and providing real answers, co-founders Tara and Star work hard to identify and solve the issues of today’s military families. Real-life stories can be found on their Loving A Soldier blog that is home to more than 20 military spouses, girlfriends and family members.

I’m a soldier but I’m also an army wife. Granted, I have a little bit different take on the army than army wives who have never been on active duty but so many of our army wives do have military service in their background. Regardless of our background, we all share a commonality: we love a soldier.

The thing I love about army wives is the way they stick together. During the last decade, army wives have had to find ways to support each other and their soldiers all the while being mommy, daddy and everything in between. There are so many challenges in being Household 6 and one of the toughest parts of that job is loving a soldier who isn’t going always be there. There will be missed birthdays and anniversaries. Sometimes the best gift is a phone call or an email from a far off combat zone, just letting us know our soldier is safe.

So it’s quite an honor for me to be invited over to the Army Wife Network to talk about Romance Roll Call. I’ll be there on January 25 at 2100-2130 streamed live over the internet. I hope you’ll stop by and listen to what should be a great interview. I’m putting out a call for guest bloggers to join us here on Romance Roll Call as well as looking to fill a few regular spots.

So mark your calendars, pass the word and show your support for the hardest job in the army: the army wife!