When my “Johnny” comes marching home, he’ll have me to come home to, for better or worse. Each deployment has been greater than six months and this is our fifth. As if that weren’t enough, there have been separations for annual training, schools, TDY, and ill-fated PCS timing. How many days, exactly: I know I’m not alone when I say, “I can’t count that high” or “I’ve stopped counting.” But each time we rolled out the red carpet upon his return.

We’ll give him a hearty welcome then, Hurrah! Hurrah!
The men will cheer, the boys will shout
The ladies they will all turn out
That joyful day when Johnny comes marching home
Twill be so good to have ‘em home
They’ve been so far and gone so long
What a joyful day when Johnny comes marching home

“So far and gone so long”: Yes, the other side of the country and for days, into months, and years. Our HEA (happy ever after) is stuff dreams are made of, books and songs and poems are written about. It’s been a true military romance that adds a chapter with each passionate good-bye and returning embrace. But it’s one story, one military couple, and one tough, gritty lifestyle that has been paid for with tears, sweat, and bended knee again and again, and sooner or later, again. Furthermore, it’s only one way to write the story.

I’ve been around enough to know that’s only half the stories. In fact, more personally, that only accounts for half my husband’s romancing or his story as it were. Rumor has it that he was a recipient of a “Dear John” letter that broke his heart during his very first time away from home. An Army girlfriend turned and did a “Savannah” on him. In years since, we’ve witnessed girlfriends and wives fall by the wayside for other soldiers. DH has signed leave paperwork knowing full well the turmoil a soldier was going to have to endure on his R&R. Some fellows of his have gotten more than “Dear John” letters on deployment; they’ve gotten divorce papers. That’s the cold, hard, ugly truth. It happens.

Knowing this, it was with intent (on seeing the motivation behind the letter writers) that I picked up Nicholas Sparks’ Dear John in paperback a few months ago. For me, I viewed it as a case study. I’m not a natural fiction reader. (And I’ve only recently learned of military romance as a category). I prefer non-fiction, but the military scenario hooked me and with the reality of “Dear John”s being on my heart, I cracked the cover. The story of John and Savannah did not disappoint me. (I had no basis or expectation for HEA.) I was swept away, enthralled, heart-broken, and floored.

It read like Real Life. In this case: Ugly and Cold but Untrue. (I double checked: 1. Soldiers—Fiction. 2. Long-distance relationships—Fiction.) I won’t go into specifics. I fear I’ve spoiled it already for those who haven’t read it, but not any more than the given title I hope. My experiences lent themselves to seeing how Savannah and John couldn’t make it work and even understanding it. It did not anger me as it did one Amazon reviewer who felt they wasted their time. It saddened me to know that this fiction book played out a non-fictitious theme still being played out centuries after the first “Dear John” letter.

Not all the ladies turn out. A salute isn’t always rendered for a job well done. Some take themselves out of the mix for a myriad of reasons. The sacrifice of time and youth is too much. It doesn’t make them all wrong. Some “Savannah”s go on to other good causes and grow up and “show up” for different relationships, ones that are in a whole other romance category. That is the lesson that I came away with.

A friend that I lent the book to had her own take. She, being the lover and wife of an airman, was angry. She’s also a hopeless (sorry) romantic who’s betting Hollywood will save the day and John and Savannah will make this a true military romance and not just another bad news story, a casualty of 9/11. I pray not. Life is messy. Military life is messier. And I’d be lying if I didn’t end by saying that once or twice I’ve contemplated a more simple life, one of a teacher or a grocer’s wife. As a couple, we’ve even fantasized about a “Dear Army, We’re moving to Canada” life.
So, while I didn’t expect it to be a controversial book when I shared it with my friend and others, upon further thought, it makes sense. Dear John is a controversial fiction book whose story hits real close to the non-fiction dealings of a controversial life. I have no want, basis or expectation for the movie to be any different.

Star Henderson is a National Guard Army wife. Her journey with the military began writing daily letters to a friend at Basic Training in 1990. She joined the Army in 1993, and later married that “friend” in 1995. Her husband is David, and they have two children: Thomas and Tara. Their family is part of the 48th Infantry Brigade of the Georgia National Guard. Star is co-founder of ArmyWifeNetwork.com, which is now parent to their ever popular weekly call-in live radio show Army Wife Talk Radio and their q&a column for the military, Field Problems™. Committed to sharing their stories, knowledge, and providing real answers, co-founders Tara and Star work hard to identify and solve the issues of today’s military families. Real-life stories can be found on their Loving A Soldier blog that is home to more than 20 military spouses, girlfriends and family members.