I’ve lived in 14 states and two other countries. The “14” doesn’t count moves, just locations. When it came time to pick a retirement location, I knew the background of nearly every region in the U.S. I knew where I wanted to go and hubby was with me. We chose an area where the Defense Department is the major employer. But that’s not what this blog is about.

This is about making friends during all those freakin’ moves.

Settling down is a lot harder work than I thought. In the military, your friends are your co-workers. But if you’re the spouse who follows or the kids who change schools, you don’t have co-workers. You have to make friends. Fortunately, most learn how to do this, and it’s a skill you use for the rest of your life.

I’m on the other side of the fence now. I don’t have to make new friends because I’ve lived in the same place for—wait for it!—four whole years! I’m the person who the military has to make friends with. Yay!

I’m going to tell you a dirty little secret now: Some civilians are wary of making friends with military families. Why? Because they move! As hard as it is for military families to pick up and move every two or three years, it’s just as hard to watch your friends leave. One of my civilian friends confessed that when her then-first grade daughter’s best friend moved away, it devastated her child, to the point she was wary of close friendships with military families after that.

There is a key word in that last sentence: close. In my adult life, I can count best friends on one hand, and two of those friends are where I live now. I would be willing to bet that even full-time civilians don’t have more than a couple of best friends, but loads of just friends.

As any military person will tell you, we have loads of friends too. We exchange cards with them every year; sometimes we track them on Facebook; and sometimes we move to the same location again. Even if we lose touch, we’re still friends. These are the friends that come over in the middle of the night to sleep on your couch while you run your sick dog to an emergency vet. They tell you about people they know in the area you’re moving to, so you’ll know someone when you get there. They offer to watch your newborn because your maternity leave is up and your baby is too young for childcare.

So maybe I am on the other side of the fence now, and maybe we’ll never be best friends. But if you come to my hometown, I got your back. Because military people aren’t just friends, they’re family. And I’ll do whatever I have to for my family.

Call me. I’m here for you. ~ AJ

www.AJBrower.com